It's all very upsetting

I'm having one of those days where everything is upsetting. Or extra upsetting. 


I lost 3 lbs, which started the day off right (35 is the new total) but ... I went to bed late. And I didn't go to the gym last night. And I had a donut this morning. And two fun-sized candy bars this afternoon. And those people on The Biggest Loser somehow manage to lose 5 - 9 lbs EVERY WEEK. So I'm a little down on myself right now, and panicking at how close everything suddenly is. Beth & John visit in 2 weeks. I visit John in 5 weeks. Greece is in 10 weeks. And Germany is in 15. Eek. And eeeek and eeeeeeeek. 


Found out today I can't go to the Baccalaureate ceremony. Well. Technically I can go of course, but I can't process in with the rest of the graduates. Why not? Since I'm not walking in Saturday I didn't order a cap & gown (I did, of course, pay for one. Sweet.), and to be in the processional you have to be kitted out. 


And I'm arguing with Peter. As I do when I'm overtired. 


And it seems like all of a sudden there are these great opportunities for growth in the company, and I have to keep reminding myself: I don't care. I'm going to be doing something else entirely and I'm going to grow in new and unforeseen ways. I still feel left out.

Officially counting down

I officially started my countdown to my last day today: 107 days to go. Yesterday I figured out how many actual work days that means, once weekends and vacation days are taken into account: 51. That's really close.


At the same time ... that's FOREVER from now. I am so ready to be done. Some days more than others, of course, and today is a particularly bad day, exacerbated by how tired I am of being tired. Which is my own fault for not going to bed but ... whatever. And if I DID go to bed early, speaking from experience I'd just lay there awake anyway.


In an effort to up my exercise, even slightly, I bought some Reebok Easy-Tone shoes. I don't know how well they work, but they are brutal when attempting to lunge / stretch after a work-out: there are small balance balls on the sole, and when I'm stretching & holding, my legs get fatigued pretty quickly. Also, walking in them without socks gave me blisters. 


Speaking of walking & upping my exercise: I'm trying to up my exercise time to over 10 hours a week. So far I'm able to hit 9 pretty easily, but 10 is a challenge. I'm adding walking. I also discovered there are Cardio Strength classes every morning at the Dr. Phillip's Y, at 5:30, and am considering trying to catch that twice a week. That and the walking should put me over 11 hours no problem, which will be good ... if still tiring. Also, it will increase the time I'm spending on strength training, which is otherwise less than half of the time I'm spending. 


Also: the classes are 55 minutes, not 60, so even if I am hitting 10 classes a week, I still need to walk (or do something) for 50 minutes to make it actually 10 hours of exercise a week. 


I don't think I'm going to hit my goal of 40 lbs lost by the end of this month. I would need to lose 6 lbs since last Thurs, and there's only this week and next week. I had hoped to have lost 70 by the time I go to Greece. I don't think that's going to happen unless I do something drastic / unhealthy. Right now, most probably case is I'll have lost 64 lbs by the time I leave for Germany, 68 by the time orientation starts. This manages to be both disappointing and an achievement. 


On the other hand, last night, for the first time, I could actually see a difference when looking in the mirrors during class. That was nice. 

Man. Really gonna pay for that.

Yesterday, at what feels like 'long last', though it's probably been 6 weeks at most, I got my financial aid package.


It's about $3k less than I expect to want to spend. And it's all federal funds (the program is through Purdue, so I'm eligible to borrow from the government. Typically, the US gov't doesn't contribute to the cost of educating citizens overseas). I am ... relieved? I think? This has absolutely been something preying on the back of my mind, adding to stress when I let myself think about it.


Interestingly, that $3k is the expected cost of the study abroad programs. So it makes sense the school wouldn't budget that for me (not being open for registration for another 5-6 months!). I just wonder if I can get an additional loan from the gov't for them, at a later date. ... and if I would really want to. It's a lot of debt. 


I honestly didn't know what to expect, and am super delighted about how easy this all has been, so far. The amount (just over $47k) is alarming to consider as a lump sum. Super scary. On the other hand, it's my tuition room, board, transportation ... basically it doesn't cover random souvenirs. I think I can deal. 


And here's a thought: I paid $22k-ish to Stetson over 18 months, with no debt at the end. I can do this. And I expect I can do it in under 5 years .... depending, of course, on my post-graduation employment status.


I've already completed my entrance counselling, required to accept the loans, and accepted the loans online through the Purdue portal.


Spending all that money, and more:

The look

A few months ago, a study came out correlating tendencies to hire vs. weight of job applicants. The (probably over-simplified) result? Particularly for women, the more overweight you are, the less likely you are to be hired. Interesting on its own, alarming in context: I'm overweight. Really, really overweight. And I have been, for years. Something to change. 

The whys and wherefores. ... and some serendipity

About 3 years ago, my job got ugly and I got restless, and I started looking to make a change. I rapidly discovered that my extensive experience did not, in a hiring manager's market, overcome my lack of formal education. In my then early-30s, I was already, frankly, embarrassed to have still not done anything about not getting a degree, so ... I made a change.

Under the theory that whether I went to school or not, in 2 years I'd still be 2 years older, I sucked it up and enrolled at my community college. Unsurprisingly, I loved it. Weirdly, I kept it a secret from my family (which, being single and 1000s of miles away is relatively simple).

Time passed, I kept on keeping on, and I got my AA. Step one: complete. Time for another change.

Somewhere inside my head, getting an AA isn't really considered 'getting your degree'. Oh, it's fine, and it's a step in the right direction, but ... it's not really 'real'. 'Real' is a bachelor's degree ... which is also the minimum expectation of an educated adult. ... unless, you know, you're doing fine without one? I don't know. It's the standard I apply to myself, at least, if not to others.  I attribute this attitude to my up-bringing, but, frankly, no specific reason for this comes to mind.


So, step two: get my bachelor's. 

After a false start with the local state college, I decided (after being accepted and registering) I did NOT want to 1. Drive an hour each way for class; 2. spend time with college students; and 3. spend all my other spare time driving AND hanging with college students for the apparently de riguer team projects. Shortly thereafter, a co-worker and I got to talking about her degree program, from a branch of Stetson University that does a Saturday-only program for working adults. In late Feb I applied. I started the 2nd week in March. Added bonus? It's apparently the #3 school for business in the South. 

One of the great things about the Stetson program is the constant reinforcement of the path to a higher degree: many, possibly even most, of the Executive Passport students go on to get their MBAs, frequently with Stetson. I wasn't initially interested, but a year or message-reinforcement changed my mind. I took the GMAT and started receiving recruitment information.

Around the same time, after a year of hearing about the international program (field trip to China! MBA classes in Austria!), a school-friend and I signed up to do the 10 days in China, which had the extra incentive of allowing me to finish my degree in July last summer. I'd be a fool not to go! And ... since I was graduating and eligible, I thought, why not go to Austria, too! I applied and was accepted to the MBA program, and registered to spend my two weeks. 

As my first trips abroad (not counting childhood trips to / through Canada and adult trips to the USVI), this was a major change to my vacationing style. I had to get a passport! And a visa! And international currency! In Austria would have to navigate public transit in foreign cities all by myself! Heady stuff! 

During this time, I started receiving emails from a school in Germany. Get 2 degrees in 11 months! AACSB certified! Live abroad for a year! Frankly it sounded too good to be true, but I did some research and .. it seemed to be legit. And, since I was going to be in Austria anyway, why not go see it in person? The timing was a little off (right in the break between the last class leaving and the next class starting), but, hey, I'd be wandering around the region for 3 weekends so, why not?

So, summer came. I spent 10 days in China. I finished my undergrad. I headed off for two weeks in Austria, with side trips to Germany and Switzerland. ... I landed in an airport not speaking or reading a single word of the local language (hint: at a bare minimum, learn the written words for Exit and Terminal so you can at least leave the airport.) 


Like most Americans who get an opportunity to go abroad, I was hooked. I wanted to go back. Suddenly, instead of vaguely planning to go to grad school, I was actively pursuing quitting my job and living abroad, if only for a year ... and longer still hasn't been ruled out. 

.

In November 2010 I applied and was accepted to the 2011/12 cohort for the GISMA full-time MBA program, a joint venture between Purdue University and Leibniz Universitat Hannover. Running mid-August through mid-July, at the end of 11 months I'll have a degree from each school. And then everything will change again.

In December I received my scholarship package (1/4 tuition. good, not great).

And, now, I'm in the count-down. In four months I'll no longer be working. In four months and 1 day, I'll be Hanover-bound. And in a year and 3 months, I'll be done with the program, waiting for graduation. In the space of 5 years I'll have gone from having "some college" to obtaining an AA, a BBA and two MBAs.

I'm changing my life.

What follows is .... what follows.