The look

A few months ago, a study came out correlating tendencies to hire vs. weight of job applicants. The (probably over-simplified) result? Particularly for women, the more overweight you are, the less likely you are to be hired. Interesting on its own, alarming in context: I'm overweight. Really, really overweight. And I have been, for years. Something to change. 

The last time I lost weight, when I still lived in RI, I started from roughly 40 pounds less than I weighed this last Christmas, and I lost around 80 pounds through diet and exercise. I looked great! ... though, when I look at pictures now, really I looked average. ... American average. Not bad, but great is a bit much. Also, my BMI, I now know, was still well into Obese (currently I'm off the chart). 

Going just by BMI (yes, yes, not the only measure of health, yada yada), my middling ideal weight is around 120. I weighed 120 in 8th grade. That's the only time. And, yes, I thought I weighed too much even then. Ah, youth. So, my goal is to weigh what I weighed in middle school. That seems like a tough nut to crack. 

Anyway. I started dieting on Dec 30. I got serious about it Jan 19. And I went back to the gym Jan 29. I've actually done pretty well, in terms of numbers, though only average in terms of % of weight lost (the Biggest Loser is bad for feeling great about my own week-to-week progress). Regardless, until about three weeks ago, I've been slow but steady, and this week I'm officially back on the horse and saw movement in the right direction (having held steady while being sick, then tired, then unmotivated .... practically a miracle!). 

I've been pretty open about making an effort to lose weight, but not so much about my reasons:

1. I don't want to be "the fat American" in Germany
2. I want to be at a hire-able weight by the time graduation rolls around / I don't want to wonder if my weight is a contributing factor in not getting a job
3. I want to be unrecognizable at graduation based on pictures from orientation

Which means I'm going to have to find a way to diet and exercise while living abroad. That ... is intimidating. I've done some research, and found a likely looking gym relatively close to school. Even so. Contract in German. Strangers speaking German. Group exercise classes conducted in German. My stomach gets upset just thinking about it. (On a side-note, I'd like to think this next year will thoroughly break me of my social anxiety problems. In reality it will either exacerbate it to the point of debilitation or I will have fabulous new coping mechanisms.)

To get specific: when I started, I had 81 weeks until graduation. If I manage to average 2 pounds a week, I can, in theory, lose 162 pounds. That will get me under 120, but not quite (sooo close) to my secret goal. Which I am not yet ready to discuss. Heck, 120 may not even be a healthy weight for me, once all factors are considered ... but I'll see.

As of today, I've lost 30 pounds. It's been 14 weeks. 67 weeks 'till graduation. 19 weeks until orientation and the associated class pictures. My current goal is 70 pounds gone by then (total). 


My resolutions:

1. I will continue to be a smart, capable, attractive woman, regardless of my weight
2. I will continue to exercise and watch what I'm eating
3. I will do the same in Germany, making good choices 
4. I will need a new passport picture before Christmas, and another before graduation
5. I will leave Germany as "the skinny American"