Sabotage!

My family has a long history of disastrous drainage issues occurring during holidays - Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc - that generally resulted in a plumber and, on more than one occasion, subsequent removal of the downstairs closet ceiling and disassembly of a pipe-joint, with super gross sludge being removed. Until this weekend, I'd assumed the story we'd been told - the pipes weren't installed with the proper grade, so particulates and larger items were settling instead of flowing down hill - was true. Now I know different: it was sabotage! By my siblings!!

Visits!

Yay! It's finally the time when my brother & sister are coming to visit! John arrives tonight ( in about 5 hours), Beth arrives before dawn tomorrow. I imagine I'll be slightly less enthusiastic at her actual arrival, glad though I'll be to see her. AND tomorrow I'm off, going to Universal. AND I'm leaving early today. Yaaay all around!

Assuming I do leave early, as planned (I'm bad at that), I'm going to bake a cake this afternoon. And do a load of laundry. And run the dishwasher. And do a small bit more of tidying and taking out trash, but otherwise, I'm ready! Except for buying raisins. I need to buy raisins ...

We had a cool front come through yesterday, which means it'll be well under 90 the entire time they're here, which is a big break for them. 60 degrees to 90+ is rather abrupt ... as Floridians may recall from this past Feb. Too much too soon, etc. Anyway, I'm hopeful the weather will be ideal for our purposes.

Following their visit, it'll be time to officially start the divesting of excess worldly goods. Ideally this would be via a yard sale, but more likely it'll be via Craig's list. And in 2 weeks I go to visit John. And a month after that it's off to Greece, then give notice and then it's alllll over. Crazy. Also in there, right in my last week here, John will (at least in theory) be back down here with his girlfriend doing Disney. I expect I'll see them, though I will, by then, be homeless.

Oh! And the weekend after I go see John it's Memorial Day! So I get 3 3-day weekends this month! Sweet!

I was realizing that it'll be 90 more days of employment on Mother's Day. That feels like it should be meaningful or ironic or something, but I've so far failed to figure out why, so perhaps it just ... is.

I continue to obsess over the plane ticket, despite having decided I'm not buying until after my current credit card bill closes, so the end of May at the earliest.

Currently, I can fly for $704, but will arrive late enough to need a hotel room AND will spent nearly 20 hours in transit. Alternately I can spend $1140, spend 12 hours in transit and arrive in time to go to where ever it is I'll be living and move in. It is making me crazy, actually. Hopefully a less time-consuming and better arrival-time option will open up in the $700 range sometime in the next 3 weeks.

The visits, though, absolutely are starting to feel a bit rushed & crammed in, as I approach the end of my time here. Which is true! They probably wouldn't be coming, or at least not now if I weren't leaving, and didn't complain about no visits for 2 & 3 years.

Argh

To sign a lease for Germany I have to have a residency permit. To get my residency permit for Germany I have to have medical & liability insurance. To get medical & liability insurance for Germany I have to have a German bank account. To have a German bank account ... I have to be patient. Grr.

I spent some time, this morning, going through the various offerings from the recommended insurance company. Do I want to be insured worldwide, or just in the EU? Do I want coverage for accident-related vision aids? What about accident insurance? Do I plan ahead for perhaps becoming a work-seeker after graduation? What about medically necessary rehabilitation measures as a subsequent medical treatment prescribed by a physician? Some of these are mutually exclusive. And then, do I want to pay an additional Euro 17 per month for luggage insurance?

Man. It's complicated to plan for not having a job.

In related news, we're moving ahead at work and have posted one of ultimately two positions that will take on my work as I transition out and then depart. This is, frankly, huge progress, since 48 hours ago we didn't have agreement that anyone would be hired. 

94 days of work, 96 presumed days till departure, still no ticket. 

Anxiety is attacking

I'm feeling a bit freaked out, today, on a variety of fronts. It's because I'm overtired, which is, in turn, because I'm an idiot and stayed up super late reading. (I highly recommend the entire Hunger Games series, btw. I've now read all three books, 2 of them yesterday).


Still.


I can't stop thinking that next year is going to be hard. I'm going to be far away, and I won't know anyone, and my entire support network, flimsy though it will be, will be 6 to 9 hours off from me. And, as I learned traveling last year, 6 hours is the worst possible time zone difference. When I'm at home and tired and overwhelmed and needing support, everyone will be at work. And when they're at home I'll be asleep (fingers crossed, anyway!). And when I'm getting up for the day .... they'll be asleep. Yes, yes, emails will work, but I'm rather addicted to and dependent on supportive, instantaneous texts. And even phone calls won't really work, except on the occasional weekend. 


Also, for next year: so far I'm the only one from the US who's signed up with my class's FB page. Intellectually I know very well the rest are coming, but it's sort of freaking me out. Cultural centrism aside, I can't really imagine a true year long study abroad without any fellow Americans. Super scary.


I think this is really hitting me today (aside from the tired-ness) because, paying rent today, I noticed I have just 2 checks left in the pad ... and that's all I'm going to use before I leave. And next time I pay, I'll need to give my 60 day notice. Freeeeeeaky.


Also, my brother & sister are coming this next weekend. I was supposed to get ready for the visit over the past couple days - shopping, cleaning, etc. I totally didn't. Hell, Sunday I only got out of bed to snack and to use the bathroom. And I don't see where I'll find the time to get it done between now & Thursday. So I'm panicking a little on that front, too.


And I keep looking at my savings so far and thinking they're not going to be where I want / need them to be, by the time I leave. That's probably not true but ... scary. 


And I still don't know where I'll be living!! That, honestly, is starting to really, truly bother me. And it's completely out of my control.


I'm starting to do the things I do when I'm overwhelmed: I start shutting down, sleeping a lot and shirking any and all responsibilities. Basically: when I start to feel buried I stop shoveling. Not good, and a really, really bad habit. On that score, I guess it's actually good they're coming this weekend as I'll be forced to get my shit together.


Right? 

99 days (or 101, depending)

Today I drop to the double digits of time remaining until my last day of work. On Saturday I drop to the double digits of time remaining until my expected departure for Germany. I think I may be sick. :)


I was reading the Sony Playstation blog post about the intrusion, earlier today, and they mentioned in passing the "I've been mugged in London & need money" scam that follows an email or facebook account hacking. It suddenly occurred to me: people would actually believe it's real, possibly, should such an email come from me in 102 days. I'm going to need to come up with some way to alert people if I do send an actual message of that type ... though probably just for people on email. I figure people I'm in contact with solely via FB can be trusted to ignore such a message. Just another thing to think about.


I lost 2 pounds this week, and am annoyed: I've been working really hard. That said, I've been to two ice cream socials and there was cake this week. So, really, 2 lbs is good! I'm still hoping for better next week: why else am I trying for 15 hours of exercise per week (9 down!) if not to accelerate weight loss? Of course, I really only stepped it up last Friday, did nothing Sat & Sun, and started to get consistent on Monday (so I've done 3 hours each on Mon, Tues & Wednesday).


I'd really, really, really been hoping to have lost 40 lbs by the end of April. Not going to happen (though I'll weigh myself on Saturday, just so I can be extra frustrated. Good times.) I was also hoping to have lost 20% of my initial weight by the time I go to Greece. In all likelihood, I'll be within 2 pounds, but I won't quite hit the target. So close! Perhaps the extra time at the gym will pay off for those 2 lbs. Hoping, but not counting on it. 


This Saturday is the dinner / reception for Stetson Passport Graduating Seniors. I find myself really looking forward to it ... which is pretty much a gte of a bad / boring time, but for now I'm excited.. 


And next week my brother & sister come for a last Florida visit. It's weird to be starting to wrap things up.  I actually turned on the AC last night, in anticipation. Well. In anticipation and because it was ridiculously muggy and I was tired of sweating

Procrastination

Around a month ago, I made an appointment for the honorary German consul, went to the law office and paid to have my signature witnessed 6 times, and my photocopy of my passport validated. I need all this for opening a blocked bank account in Germany. I need to open a blocked bank account (and put $10,000 in it) so that I can get my student's visa. Apparently, should all else fail, the German government believes I can live on $10k for a year. Good to know!

Anyway, I was going to mail it that day but ... something happened. I think I was just running really, really late, because the appointment took longer than expected? Anyway. Didn't get to the post office. Forgot to bring the papers with me when I mailed my dad's birthday present. Post office was closed another time, and the next time, last week, I wasn't positive I had all the pages I needed.

Today I finally, finally got the papers in the mail. Really, they should get there in 7 - 10 days, and then there'll be a couple / few days before I hear anything but I should have an account in Germany by the end of May.

Exciting, and alarming.

Similarly exciting & alarming: 101 days until my last day of work. Eek. Eeeeeeeeek.

Anyway. So, what's a blocked account? It's an account I can put money into, but cannot withdraw from until I've filled out some additional paperwork once I'm living in Germany. Mainly, I think the requirement to get this all done prior to arrival is for the students who will be arriving from countries requiring visas for entry - not a problem for someone coming from the US - but regardless I'll fill out forms for unblocking the account and applying for my residency visa during orientation. 

So, yeah, bit of procrastination there (if you're counting, that's just 3 attempts in over a month). Some other things I'm procrastinating on: buying the health insurance; following up with the potential movers; following up with the apartment people, and the student housing people, contacting the financial aid person regarding 1st dispersement in July and finding out about assistance for study abroad programs; contacting my insurance company regarding the car being kept at someone's house and barely driven ... and, of course, the big one: buying my plane ticket. Though, really, I have been shopping that, just not buying. Yet. Eek. 

It's all very upsetting

I'm having one of those days where everything is upsetting. Or extra upsetting. 


I lost 3 lbs, which started the day off right (35 is the new total) but ... I went to bed late. And I didn't go to the gym last night. And I had a donut this morning. And two fun-sized candy bars this afternoon. And those people on The Biggest Loser somehow manage to lose 5 - 9 lbs EVERY WEEK. So I'm a little down on myself right now, and panicking at how close everything suddenly is. Beth & John visit in 2 weeks. I visit John in 5 weeks. Greece is in 10 weeks. And Germany is in 15. Eek. And eeeek and eeeeeeeek. 


Found out today I can't go to the Baccalaureate ceremony. Well. Technically I can go of course, but I can't process in with the rest of the graduates. Why not? Since I'm not walking in Saturday I didn't order a cap & gown (I did, of course, pay for one. Sweet.), and to be in the processional you have to be kitted out. 


And I'm arguing with Peter. As I do when I'm overtired. 


And it seems like all of a sudden there are these great opportunities for growth in the company, and I have to keep reminding myself: I don't care. I'm going to be doing something else entirely and I'm going to grow in new and unforeseen ways. I still feel left out.

Officially counting down

I officially started my countdown to my last day today: 107 days to go. Yesterday I figured out how many actual work days that means, once weekends and vacation days are taken into account: 51. That's really close.


At the same time ... that's FOREVER from now. I am so ready to be done. Some days more than others, of course, and today is a particularly bad day, exacerbated by how tired I am of being tired. Which is my own fault for not going to bed but ... whatever. And if I DID go to bed early, speaking from experience I'd just lay there awake anyway.


In an effort to up my exercise, even slightly, I bought some Reebok Easy-Tone shoes. I don't know how well they work, but they are brutal when attempting to lunge / stretch after a work-out: there are small balance balls on the sole, and when I'm stretching & holding, my legs get fatigued pretty quickly. Also, walking in them without socks gave me blisters. 


Speaking of walking & upping my exercise: I'm trying to up my exercise time to over 10 hours a week. So far I'm able to hit 9 pretty easily, but 10 is a challenge. I'm adding walking. I also discovered there are Cardio Strength classes every morning at the Dr. Phillip's Y, at 5:30, and am considering trying to catch that twice a week. That and the walking should put me over 11 hours no problem, which will be good ... if still tiring. Also, it will increase the time I'm spending on strength training, which is otherwise less than half of the time I'm spending. 


Also: the classes are 55 minutes, not 60, so even if I am hitting 10 classes a week, I still need to walk (or do something) for 50 minutes to make it actually 10 hours of exercise a week. 


I don't think I'm going to hit my goal of 40 lbs lost by the end of this month. I would need to lose 6 lbs since last Thurs, and there's only this week and next week. I had hoped to have lost 70 by the time I go to Greece. I don't think that's going to happen unless I do something drastic / unhealthy. Right now, most probably case is I'll have lost 64 lbs by the time I leave for Germany, 68 by the time orientation starts. This manages to be both disappointing and an achievement. 


On the other hand, last night, for the first time, I could actually see a difference when looking in the mirrors during class. That was nice. 

Man. Really gonna pay for that.

Yesterday, at what feels like 'long last', though it's probably been 6 weeks at most, I got my financial aid package.


It's about $3k less than I expect to want to spend. And it's all federal funds (the program is through Purdue, so I'm eligible to borrow from the government. Typically, the US gov't doesn't contribute to the cost of educating citizens overseas). I am ... relieved? I think? This has absolutely been something preying on the back of my mind, adding to stress when I let myself think about it.


Interestingly, that $3k is the expected cost of the study abroad programs. So it makes sense the school wouldn't budget that for me (not being open for registration for another 5-6 months!). I just wonder if I can get an additional loan from the gov't for them, at a later date. ... and if I would really want to. It's a lot of debt. 


I honestly didn't know what to expect, and am super delighted about how easy this all has been, so far. The amount (just over $47k) is alarming to consider as a lump sum. Super scary. On the other hand, it's my tuition room, board, transportation ... basically it doesn't cover random souvenirs. I think I can deal. 


And here's a thought: I paid $22k-ish to Stetson over 18 months, with no debt at the end. I can do this. And I expect I can do it in under 5 years .... depending, of course, on my post-graduation employment status.


I've already completed my entrance counselling, required to accept the loans, and accepted the loans online through the Purdue portal.


Spending all that money, and more:

The look

A few months ago, a study came out correlating tendencies to hire vs. weight of job applicants. The (probably over-simplified) result? Particularly for women, the more overweight you are, the less likely you are to be hired. Interesting on its own, alarming in context: I'm overweight. Really, really overweight. And I have been, for years. Something to change. 

The whys and wherefores. ... and some serendipity

About 3 years ago, my job got ugly and I got restless, and I started looking to make a change. I rapidly discovered that my extensive experience did not, in a hiring manager's market, overcome my lack of formal education. In my then early-30s, I was already, frankly, embarrassed to have still not done anything about not getting a degree, so ... I made a change.

Under the theory that whether I went to school or not, in 2 years I'd still be 2 years older, I sucked it up and enrolled at my community college. Unsurprisingly, I loved it. Weirdly, I kept it a secret from my family (which, being single and 1000s of miles away is relatively simple).

Time passed, I kept on keeping on, and I got my AA. Step one: complete. Time for another change.

Somewhere inside my head, getting an AA isn't really considered 'getting your degree'. Oh, it's fine, and it's a step in the right direction, but ... it's not really 'real'. 'Real' is a bachelor's degree ... which is also the minimum expectation of an educated adult. ... unless, you know, you're doing fine without one? I don't know. It's the standard I apply to myself, at least, if not to others.  I attribute this attitude to my up-bringing, but, frankly, no specific reason for this comes to mind.


So, step two: get my bachelor's. 

After a false start with the local state college, I decided (after being accepted and registering) I did NOT want to 1. Drive an hour each way for class; 2. spend time with college students; and 3. spend all my other spare time driving AND hanging with college students for the apparently de riguer team projects. Shortly thereafter, a co-worker and I got to talking about her degree program, from a branch of Stetson University that does a Saturday-only program for working adults. In late Feb I applied. I started the 2nd week in March. Added bonus? It's apparently the #3 school for business in the South. 

One of the great things about the Stetson program is the constant reinforcement of the path to a higher degree: many, possibly even most, of the Executive Passport students go on to get their MBAs, frequently with Stetson. I wasn't initially interested, but a year or message-reinforcement changed my mind. I took the GMAT and started receiving recruitment information.

Around the same time, after a year of hearing about the international program (field trip to China! MBA classes in Austria!), a school-friend and I signed up to do the 10 days in China, which had the extra incentive of allowing me to finish my degree in July last summer. I'd be a fool not to go! And ... since I was graduating and eligible, I thought, why not go to Austria, too! I applied and was accepted to the MBA program, and registered to spend my two weeks. 

As my first trips abroad (not counting childhood trips to / through Canada and adult trips to the USVI), this was a major change to my vacationing style. I had to get a passport! And a visa! And international currency! In Austria would have to navigate public transit in foreign cities all by myself! Heady stuff! 

During this time, I started receiving emails from a school in Germany. Get 2 degrees in 11 months! AACSB certified! Live abroad for a year! Frankly it sounded too good to be true, but I did some research and .. it seemed to be legit. And, since I was going to be in Austria anyway, why not go see it in person? The timing was a little off (right in the break between the last class leaving and the next class starting), but, hey, I'd be wandering around the region for 3 weekends so, why not?

So, summer came. I spent 10 days in China. I finished my undergrad. I headed off for two weeks in Austria, with side trips to Germany and Switzerland. ... I landed in an airport not speaking or reading a single word of the local language (hint: at a bare minimum, learn the written words for Exit and Terminal so you can at least leave the airport.) 


Like most Americans who get an opportunity to go abroad, I was hooked. I wanted to go back. Suddenly, instead of vaguely planning to go to grad school, I was actively pursuing quitting my job and living abroad, if only for a year ... and longer still hasn't been ruled out. 

.

In November 2010 I applied and was accepted to the 2011/12 cohort for the GISMA full-time MBA program, a joint venture between Purdue University and Leibniz Universitat Hannover. Running mid-August through mid-July, at the end of 11 months I'll have a degree from each school. And then everything will change again.

In December I received my scholarship package (1/4 tuition. good, not great).

And, now, I'm in the count-down. In four months I'll no longer be working. In four months and 1 day, I'll be Hanover-bound. And in a year and 3 months, I'll be done with the program, waiting for graduation. In the space of 5 years I'll have gone from having "some college" to obtaining an AA, a BBA and two MBAs.

I'm changing my life.

What follows is .... what follows.